That Tumble Down
Read this quick poem and tell me what you think Please?
What is Strength I do not know,
Is it something you need to show?
Is it something you have inside?
Is it something you mustn’t hide?
Is it something you must have?
To live the life you wish you had?
Is it something that people see?
Is it something simply in me?
These are things I do not know,
Is there someone there to tell me so?
Tell me, is it something I can feel?
Is it something to help me heal?
Is it something I will someday see?
Please is it something inside me?
With this question I have to struggle,
Cause any minute now I can tumble.
Down this road they call my life,
Down this road I live in strife.
In this life I pretend to be,
This happy person they seem to see.
But through me they seem to look,
But inside me is what they took.
Why cant I just look inside,
And find what part they tried to hide.
Ready for some constructive criticism? Sometimes it is better to not try to make every single line rhyme. Also, It is more powerful when the lyrics aren’t so obvious. A little more abstraction makes the reader put more thought into the interpretation of it. Less is more. If you say exactly what you want, there’s no room for searching for deeper meanings. It sounds very repetitious because it seems as though you are more concerned with having the lines rhyme rather that focusing on their content. Try revising and see what happens. Good luck.
Marcus Foster Tumble Down